Greetings Dear Reader;
It's been a horrible week. No doubt things are worse in Palestine, but on Planet Fudge, my little bolt hole from the dark, chaotic and violent universe we inhabit, things have not been so nice either.
First Planet Fudge was flooded with a sea of vodka that caused all circuits to malfunction for days on end, then then came an attack of some kind of evil gastro bots which severely fucked up the waste disposal unit and finally the insanely nightmarish news that the Planet is about to be invaded from without by the Evil Cunta Kinta.
I can't take it any more.
You may recall dear reader, the poll I ran asking tweeps to decide: 1.whether or not I should fuck off. 2. that I should stay on account of the schadenfreude I provide 3. that I can stay provided I hand out sexual favours (head jobs). That was the soft option. Although really, when you think about it, there isn't that much difference between options 2 and 3.
I'm pleased to provide the following results: 4 % chose Fuck Off. 65% chose Stay, Schadenfreude. 30% per cent chose option 3.
49 people participated. None of the options required anyone to make humiliating, cloying declarations of love (you know "Stay Fudgie Wudgie we wuvs you") but in fact closely approximated the true conditional qualities of liking someone (I love you cos I feel superior to you, I love you cos you give me head etc etc) So I'm inclined to think that these results are to some degree reliable.
To the 4% who would like me to fuck off, what can I do? If I offer to kill myself, will that placate?
Anyway, I'm going to conclude by saying, a big thank you to all who participated. Should anyone change your mind about me you'll get your chance to say so, I'm going to run similar polls in the future because I love them and they fulfill my masochistic needs, so please, don't feel bad if you want me to fuck off, chances are, I share the sentiment.
Cheers and Love, from your friend
Sir Fudge Esq
Until you hang upon such a cross, you won't know a thing about laughter or loss...and you don't believe me now, but you will...you will, you wil you will you will...you will, you will - Titus Andronicus
