Until you hang upon such a cross, you won't know a thing about laughter or loss...and you don't believe me now, but you will...you will, you wil you will you will...you will, you will - Titus Andronicus

Hey All, Best Read This First:

reetings and a warm welcome to my blog.

First things first

This blog contains words and references offensive to those who never made it through the maturation process.

The intellectually and psychologically impaired will find nothing here to enjoy.

If this applies to you, dear reader, you're welcome, and strongly encouraged to leave now. No hard feelings on my part.

I'm trying to make this clear to the 'boo hoo brigade". If you CANNOT grasp this simple concept. This page is NOT FOR YOU


*PS: I'm pro Palestinian, pro animal rights in a way that pisses many people off. You should consider fucking off now if you object to this kind of thing.

Cheers Kiddies.


PS This blog is not really fit for human consumption, it's best read as it was written, drunk on vodka or otherwise high as a kite...Enjoy...


Ficken Ficken Über Alles

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to your lesson in, well, 'casual' German is one word for it. A couple of things to explain first. This was a lot easier in theory than in execution. In the interests of conciseness and saving you and I from mind numbing boredom, I omitted grammar and pronounciation notes. I'll furnish you with this fun stuff later.

Swine, shit, arses, and dirt are commonplace in German obscenity. More so than in English. In English where you guys use fuck in all kinds of ways, in German, we mostly use fuck to refer to well, fucking. Nevertheless, in German these words, depending on how they're used, have the same connotation and power of the word fuck. Don't go calling a German a shit, arse or swine unless you're prepared to answer for it.

You will most likely notice the section on getting laid, fucking and related is rather long and graphic, it's no use blaming me for this or suspecting perversion on my part, just as in English, in German there seems to be no end of euphamisms for genitalia and fornication. I left alot out I can tell you.

True to form, as I'm such a selfish cunt, I'm going to start with scenarios that interest me. Verpiss dich if you don't like it.

1. Scene: Getting high

a) kiffen: to toke

b) Joint: joint

c) Jamaikanische Luft: lit. "Jamaican air" ie. Weed.

d) knülle sein: to be stoned. (I use this word alot)

e) Kung Fu Puder: lit. "Kung Fu Powder" ie. Coke. (I think this is hysterically funny) Uppers suck by the way.

f) Spliffen: to smoke weed

g) Straff sein: to be loaded

h) suchten: to get hooked, to addict.

i) Kristaller: crackster, speed freak

j) Ticket: acid

k) Tüte: joint

l) Verballert: wasted

m) total verstrahlt sein: to be high as a kite

n) vollgequartzt zu sein: completely high

m) sich zudröhnen: to get wasted, stoned

n) Gärtner: Dealer

o) Abzocker: Hustler

p) Schlitzohr: crook

q) Rauschgift: smack, heroin.

2. Scene: telling someone to fuck off

a) Verpiss dich: Piss off / fuck off / get the fuck off

b) Du bist Scheiße: lit: you are shit. You suck

c) Hau ab: get lost, fuck off, Fuck you

d) sich verpissen: to fuck off

e) jemand ankotzen: to fuck somebody off

f) Leck mich am Arsch: kiss my arse, fuck off

g) Das geht mir am Arsch vorbei: I don't give a shit

g) Verpisst euch: fuck you all

h) Schnautze: shut up, lit. shut your snout

i) Es ist mir scheiß egal: I don't give a shit / I don't give a fuck

3. Insults.

a) Weichei: Wimp

b) Rindvieh: Moron

c) Rotznase: Prick, little snot

d) Faule Sack: lazy bum

e) Fuzzi: Nerd

f) Ablästern: to talk shit

g) Arsch mit Ohren: idiot (arse with ears)

h) Torte: tart

i) Sau: bitch, bastard

j) Schwein: bastard, son of a bitch, pig

k) Arschlecker: lit. arse licker, arse kisser, brown noser, (crawler)

l) Arschloch: Arsehole

m) Mistkerl: bastard, dirty swine

n) Miststück: bastard, bitch, piece of shit

o) Dampfwalze: lit. Steamroller, fatso

p) Schweinerei: pigsty, indecent act, mess, scandal

q) Schlapschwanz: lit. limp dick, wimp

r) Rüpel: Rogue, lout

s) Trottel: Jerk, idiot, also clumsy oaf

t) Arschkriecher: Arse crawler

u) Baddewannenpisser: lit. bathwater pisser, childish person

v) Schleimpatzen: Slimeheap, oder: Schleim: slime

4. Getting Laid, Body Parts, Fucking and related etc

a) blickficken: to fuck with the eyes

b) Puff: brothel

c)Hure, Nutte: Whore

d)Dirne: Hooker

e) Dirnenviertel: Red Light District

f) Bubistrich: Male Red Light District

g) Fünf gegen einen: lit. 5 against 1: to jerk off

h) Abmelken: jerk off

i) den Fisch fangen gehen: lit. to go catch the fish: to masturbate

j) Arschkordel: lit. arse rope: G-string

k) Arschgeweih: lit. arse antlers: lower back tattoo

l) Schlampenstampel: lit. Tramp stamp, slut stamp: lower back tattoo

m) geiler Bock: horny old goat

n) jemandem anmachen: to hit on someone

o) Knutschfleck: hickey

p) notgeil: horny

q) Brünstig: on heat

r) heiß sein: to be hot

s) dicke Eier haben: lit. to have big eggs (nuts), to be horny

t) Kavaliersschmerzen: lit. gentlemen's pain, blue balls

u) Fickbar: fuckable

v) Hurenbock: male slut

w) Flitchen: hussy

x) Schickse: slut

y) Schlampe: slut, tramp

z) Heißmacherin: lit. woman who gets one hot/horny, tease

aa) Schwanzfopper: prick tease

bb) Schwanzmagnet: lit. prick magnet, babe

cc) Andstandsfick: courtesy fuck

dd) bi: bisexual

ee) schwul: gay

ff) Analritter: lit. Anal knight. fag

gg) für die anderer Mannschaft spielen: to bat for the other side

hh) Leckschwester: lit. lick sister, lesbian

ii) Straßenhure: streetwalker

jj) Schwantzlutscher: cock sucker

kk) a tergo: doggy style

ll) flachlegen: to screw someone

mm) Möpse: tits

nn) Vorbau: rack

oo) Schamlippen: pussy lips

pp) Latte: hard on

qq) Aal: lit. eel, schlong

rr) Schwanz: lit. tail, prick

ss) Kronjuwelen: Crown jewels

tt) Kitzler: clit

uu) Muschi: pussy

vv) Möse: pussy

ww) Gummi: condom

xx) Präser: condom

yy) Mösenmoped: lit. vagina moped, vibrator

zz) einen Ständer haben: to get a hard on

a1) erschlaffen: to get soft, to go limp

b1) feucht werden: to get wet

c1) spitz sein: to be horny

d1) Mösensaft: Cunt juice

e1) Wermutstropfen: drops of pre cum

f1) jemandem einen blasen: to give someone a blow job

g1) aussaugen: to blow

h1) Blümchensex: dull standard sex, missionary

i1) es treiben: to fuck

j1) Bumsen: to shag

k1) Bollern: to fuck someone's brains out

l1) knallen: to fuck someone stupid

m1) geigen: to fuck

n1) nageln: to bone, to nail (fuck)

o1) Rammeln: to hump, be at it,

p1) vögeln: to screw

q1) besorgen: to fuck

r1) ficken: to fuck

s1) Natursekt: lit. nature's champagne, golden shower

t1) flotter dreier: threesome

u1) Lümmelgetümmel: group sex

v1) Mattratzenwunder: lit. mattress wonder, woman who is good in bed

w1) kommen: to cum

x1) abspritzen: to cum

y1) Soße: lit. sauce, cum

z1) Ficksahne: lit. Fuck cream: cum

5. Miscellaneous

a) Labern: to talk bullshit

b) Riß in der Schüssel: lit. to have a crack in the bowl, to be fucked in the head (insane)

c) Idiot: jerk, idiot

d) Hirnrissig: completely stupid

e) Nullchecker: moron

f) Klugscheißer: smart arse

g) Drecksack: scumbag

h) Drecksau: filty pig

i) Mafiatörtchen: Mafia tart

j) abschädeln: lit. to get off one's head: to booze it up

k) Schluckwunder: lit. swallowing wonder: drunk

l) sich die Kante geben: to get shit faced drunk

m) Puffbrause: champagne brothel lemonade

n) Strullen: to piss

o) Angepisst: to be pissed off

p) Chateau Migraine: lit. migraine castle, cheap wine.

q) Alkoholleiche: lit. alcohol corpse, to be passed out from booze

r) Brauereitumor: lit. brewery tumour, beer belly

Well, gentlemen, here endeth the lesson for today. I hope you learnt something useful.



FUCK! <-------- parts of this are very funny. Hope you enjoy it.