Hey All, Best Read This First:
Greetings and a warm welcome to my blog.
First things first
This blog contains words and references offensive to those who never made it through the maturation process.
The intellectually and psychologically impaired will find nothing here to enjoy.
If this applies to you, dear reader, you're welcome, and strongly encouraged to leave now. No hard feelings on my part.
I'm trying to make this clear to the 'boo hoo brigade". If you CANNOT grasp this simple concept. This page is NOT FOR YOU
REPEAT: WARNING: BLACK IRONY. NASTY SELF PISS TAKING HUMOUR. FUCK OFF NOW IF YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND THIS. I WON'T MIND. EVER.
*PS: I'm pro Palestinian, pro animal rights in a way that pisses many people off. You should consider fucking off now if you object to this kind of thing.
PS This blog is not really fit for human consumption, it's best read as it was written, drunk on vodka or otherwise high as a kite...Enjoy...
I've Often Thought That....
I'm going to make my case before you and try to convince you of the veracity of this rather "large" statement. Here goes:
1. What qualifies me to make such a large claim?
Well, I've lived with fostered and taken care of all kinds of dogs, from muttleys, to chihuahuas (maybe not exactly loved chis, but liked them well enough), German Shepherds, basenjis, and of course greys.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to impress upon you, is that, I'm no novice when it comes to dogs.
Of All the Dogs in All the Universe that I've ever met, I adore Greyhounds the most. Why?
1. Temperament: they are perfect. Lazy, Low maintenance, extremely gentle, highly intelligent, affable. Their most outstanding quality? they have an incredibly smart but goofy sense of humour. These are dogs that will try it on you, (food, space on the bed, couch, attention etc) with a cheezy expression. They know that you know they're trying it on, they just find it amusing to try their luck, they have no hard feelings if you (rather heartlessly, it's almost impossible to say no to these goofy dogs) deny them anything.The are extremely well behaved around the house. They could easily live in a small apartment without being obtrusive, of course, they must have access to the Great Outdoors.
2. Practicalities: They are a healthy breed, not much goes wrong with greys, (eg: no hip displaysia sadly not uncommon in large breeds) They don't shed much. Don't need tons of food for a big dog. They don't drool. They don't bark much. They have excellent manners in public. They don't want to bothered with long walks. They are just bone lazy. They are rarely aggressive with other dogs. They are simply not aggressive period. However, because of their size, they are good deterrents to would be arseholes.
My first grey was a show greyhound or "English type Greyhound". These dogs are HUGE. they are a little different to most greys that you see. Anyway, once when I was living in a rather, well, rough is one word for it, neighbourhood, a car full of guys pulled up, I heard one of them say "get her get her get her" two of them got out of the car, took one look at my dog and said "No way, I'm not touchin' her man, she's got a greyhound" as the car drove off and I saw it had no number plates. Were it not for my dog, I don't think I'd be alive today.
Speaking of cars, greys, being quiet, sensible dogs, travel well in them. I take mine everywhere, as well as to the beach with my friends who love her. Because she is such a big dog, no one comes near us. We feel so...intimidating. Rocks our egos. Man.
Greys come in every colour known to Dogdom. Get one that suits your complexion. We have a thing for white dogs. But our first was a black/brown/orange brindle, my God she was beautiful.
Greyhounds are good for the ego
Let's face it, nothing screams "look at me everyone, I'm cool!" better than walking a big motha fucka of a dog. Especially if said MF dog has immaculate manners (as greys do). People will often stop to talk, and they'll think you're rather wonderful for having an ex racer. Unfortunately, you'll also hear some harrowing stories told to you by people who have cause to understand what greyhound racing is actually like.
By the way, I never allow people to touch my dog without permission, I simply say she would prefer not to be handled by strangers. I don't give a fuck how uptight this makes me seem. Dogs have every right not to have their personal space invaded. They're sensitive sentient beings, not fucking "touch me bears".
They have an amazing, and I mean amazing provenance. These really are the aristocrats of the dog world:
1. They are the world's oldest purpose bred dog.
2. They are the only dog mentioned in the bible.
3. There is actually a greyhound saint.
4. Back in the good old days before individualism, before every piece of shit thought he was God, only royalty could own greyhounds. (Admittedly, this was to expedite observance of poaching laws on His Lordship's grounds in feudal times)
5. They are one of the largest family of dog breeds
Let me clear up some misconceptions:
1. They need a lot of exercise. They don't. Like all hunting animals, (cats for example) greyhounds are built for speed, not endurance. An easy walk, a sniff around the garden, and kaboom she just wants her couch thanks very much.
2. They are inherently obsessed with chasing small animals. Not really, I have photos of my first grey with my two siams snugged up against her belly while she was stretched out on the couch. Most ex racer adoption agencies will test their potential adoptees with cats and other small fry to ensure the pup goes to a suitable home.
So what's the go with Greyhounds Ruling the World? How come they'd be so good at it?
1. They aren't interested in asserting their egos.
2. They are extremely affable
3. They understand the important things in life: food, couch, respectful company
4. They aren't interested in politicking.
5. They have an excellent, highly intelligent sense of humour.
6. They aren't overbearing or nasty.
7. They are quite simply nice people. That's all.
They Can't Be that perfect, there's got to be a snag somewhere!
1. Well here goes: this is the one thing that might be a deal breaker: they're hounds, they're hunting dogs, they don't understand "fetching". Get yer own fuckin' ball. Boo hoo
If you're a loud, aggressive, hysterical shit, if you're prone to violent outbursts, if you're unstable or cold in temperament, don't get one of these sensitive loving pups. Get a rock. It won't mind how much you scream and kick it. Greyhounds, like all highly intelligent, sensitive, good hearted souls, are easily broken. These are dogs for good natured, calm and respectful people only.
The whole purpose of this post is to convince you to consider making your next dog a greyhound
These gentle, sweet, good hearted dogs suffer horribly. Any animal suffering is an unbearable thing to think of. To me, its worse for an animal that won't defend himself. It's unbearably sad to think about what these dogs go through. If more people make room on their couches for greys:
1. They will become more widely understood as the perfect friends they are, and not seen as disposable running machines.
2. Just walking your grey will raise awareness of their plight. People rarely see them, they will stop and ask questions. It's your chance to put in a good word for these gentle animals.
Do you know what I hear the most when I walk my grey?
Person: "Oh, is that a greyhound?, do you race her, did she ever win anything?"
Me: "No, it's not my thing, I got her through an adoption agency, she's retired"
Person: "Oh, she's one of the lucky ones, most of them end up with a bullet in their brain if they're lucky or get given to research labs once I heard of a trainer who just...."
Me: "thanks, I get the picture"
I've frequently had the above dialogue with perfect strangers. Re read it, and then take a look at the picture up top.
I know this is a rather long post. Thanks to those who persevered to the end. I'm going to provide the references to biblical citation, the greyhound saint and a few other things I stated there. It's very fascinating.
Cheers and Love from
Me, and Woof from my beloved grey x
Posted by Sir Fudge Esq at 9:39 PM