Until you hang upon such a cross, you won't know a thing about laughter or loss...and you don't believe me now, but you will...you will, you wil you will you will...you will, you will - Titus Andronicus

Hey All, Best Read This First:

reetings and a warm welcome to my blog.

First things first

This blog contains words and references offensive to those who never made it through the maturation process.

The intellectually and psychologically impaired will find nothing here to enjoy.

If this applies to you, dear reader, you're welcome, and strongly encouraged to leave now. No hard feelings on my part.

I'm trying to make this clear to the 'boo hoo brigade". If you CANNOT grasp this simple concept. This page is NOT FOR YOU


*PS: I'm pro Palestinian, pro animal rights in a way that pisses many people off. You should consider fucking off now if you object to this kind of thing.

Cheers Kiddies.


PS This blog is not really fit for human consumption, it's best read as it was written, drunk on vodka or otherwise high as a kite...Enjoy...


My unique take on terminology

Hello, I had a horrible cutting rant prepared about attention whores who impose themselves upon the grieving of others in order to promote themselves, but there's been so much hard stuff here lately that I'm going to leave it for now, as you'll see, I've written something much nicer.

I thought instead I would spend some time looking at good old standbys of twitter vernacular. I have no idea what half of them mean, so I thought I would share my ignorance with you. You're beaming with gratitude I'm sure.

I'm a little high, so while I'm going to try to put these in alphabetical order, and be reasonably coherent, I can make no promises.

Hugz!: Oh dear God, this is just the very end of all civilization for me. I can't help what I'm about to say, God help me, but people who hug a lot strike me as promiscuous and kind of fucking sleazy. Ok, Ok! I'm sorry! I accept I'm missing the gene for physical affection and am therefore psychiatrically defective Ok? I'm not saying people who hug a lot are sleazy, I'm saying they appear sleazy to me, and considering my maturation process was obviously severely compromised, you should pay no attention to my drivel. It's me, not you.

LOFL/MOL/LOL/ROFL/LMAO etc etc: None of these are dignified. I used to know someone, (thank the God of Block I'm rid of him) who would say something nasty and then add BOL! I hate all these little laughy things now. This is another instance where it's me, not you. I just don't like them.

Nosetaps: I think these are meant to be nice. But they just piss me off, they come across as bitchy and patronizing for some reason. If I ever use nose taps on you, I'm actually saying : "fuck you!! :)" I just don't like them. And if someone is a bit pissy with me, and then puts "nosetaps! :)" at the end of their little turn - I block 'em.

Pawcircles: Attention seeking voodoo. Revolting displays of irrational bullshit. Whatever happened to the Enlightenment? One of the greatest, most liberating movements in Western History just gets fucked every which way by this incomprehensible, obscurantist voodoo crap. Every time I see one I want to say, "Did I just somehow fall into a parallel universe where otherwise perfectly rational attention whores (God I'm being nice today) become fucking witch doctors?" to me, they are at once the conjurers and the intellectual captives of their magical circles of superstition.

Rainbow Bridge: Too sickeningly kitsch for words. I would rather fellate Satan for eternity than ever have it said of me "Oh, Sir Fudge, (pawcircle!!) he's over rainbow bridge now, in heaven (hugz!!) with all his little friends, playing with his plague ratsie. BOL!!" Like hell I fucking am, I'm in the Great Beyond laughing/retching till my sides ache at the Fucking Great Morbid Guru of Death who thinks he's ferrying poor hapless cats and dogs to their final destination. Fuck that moronic kitsch sentimental crap.

Softpaw: One of my favourite tweeps here uses this lovely gesture, she is always sincere.

I'll continue with this wonderful and enlightening lexicon, but I think this suffices for now.

The final observation I want to make is: the more sincerely something is being expressed, the less it resorts to the hollow, sham sentiment of kitsch cliches. If I want to convey sympathy, understanding and empathy, I'll use real, meaningful words I've put some sincere thought into, not some fucking meaningless pre manufactured shorthand drivel. Let me give you an example of how revoltingly insincere this sounds:

Pawcircle for (insert name of tweep) who passed over to the Rainbow Bridge today. His mom (insert name if known) needs hugz. He's playing with all his little friends (insert names of any tweeps who have died, whether they knew or even liked each other is immaterial). Now let's have a party! nosetaps! BOL!!