Desperately Seeking Apollo Frenchie

Cool Guy

Speaking of cool guys, where's Apollo Frenchie? he was a fantastic friend. I miss him.

This post is an appeal to him to get in touch. I liked him alot.

Hey Mr Frenchie Sir, I know you used to read my blog. I'm hoping against hope you're reading it now. Even if you don't want to come back. I'd like to say hi to you. I miss you so much. My email is on this blog, but I'll repeat it here in case like me, you're too impatient to go trawling through dull as fuck blogs for little shit bits of information. This is it: SirFudgeEsq@Gmail.com.

I don't think you can really understand how much I miss you. We talked nearly every day, SamthePoodle told me he's sad you're gone too,  it's the only time he's said anything sensible. I played you a nice Brahms Ave Maria when I'd heard you'd gone. I was so down. I still am. I have a few accounts up my sleeve that no one else is on, so even if you want to come back and just chat to me, that's ok. Sir Bailey would like to know how you're getting on too.

Mr Frenchie, I'm ill, I'm not close to my family; my friends I love to death but they're junkies, and if I don't want to wind up in the deep 6 even sooner than soon, I have to make some space between me and them, One of the reasons I have to move. (<------ pathetic attempt at emotional blackmail. Well, I'm desperate enough to humiliate myself like this)

So what does that leave me with? Dudes like you that mean a lot to me. If you need me to take up the cudgel for you against anyone who's done you wrong, you have only to say. I don't mind a bit of blood on my hands  for a good cause.

Even if you're content with your decision and just don't want to know, that's cool, sad, but cool. In that case I'll leave you with these last few words: I miss you. I miss your bong, your schlong, your wit, and your wicked shit:  the best Californian green. There's no better man to shoot the breeze with.

Love and Cheers

Your friend

Fudge.

PS: Sir Bailey is hot, but he couldn't pack a bong if his life depended on it. Usesless son of a bitch..

Things I've learnt on Twitter

Hello, do you ever get that horrible feeling when you want to do something you know isn't good for you, but you just can't help it? For most people I suppose it means chocolate cake, icecream or something else I wouldn't touch for quids, for me it means, well, we all know what it means.

The annoying thing is, I promised  a friend (rather rashly) about a month ago  I'd go on a rehab programme. Well, I just don't fucking want to. The thought makes me ill. And all things considered, I don't even see the point. And then on the other hand, I think to myself, I loathe the thought of being at the mercy of anything. The loathing of addiction is starting to outweigh the schadenfreude of blasting Cunta's cash up my arm. Decisions decisions... so conflicted...

Oddly enough, none of this was the purpose of this post. No Sir, it was not. Goodness, what a digression, back to reality, such as it is. I wanted to mention to you (for no real reason at all really when I think about it) the odd little things I've learnt from many of you since I've been on twitter. Some of these things are extraordinary. I'm very polite, I rarely say "that sounds fucking disgusting" or "that's just fucking weird" regardless of the impulse to express my thoughts in just such a manner. 

The thing I learnt that shocked me the most was the term "fluffer", I'd never heard it before, in itself it isn't so shocking, but it was made so by the cat who told it to me, I'd always considered him to be the template of Lolly Cats. In that moment, I realized that all my confidence in my ability to analyse character was badly misplaced. Essentially, I finally realised, I was full of shit.

Things actually got worse, this cat then went on to explain in what (to me at any rate) was rather brutal language for one whom I'd always considered a bit of a priss. Without any hint of embarrassment, he explained to me that a fluffer was the "the woman who keeps the guys hard in pornos" Well...for fuck's sake dude, what?? you're meant to be a fucking Lolly Cat! you can't just blurt out crass shit like that! If anyone asks me what a fluffer is (now that I know) I would explain her role as "the off camera support for actors in adult movies", and I'm no fucking Lolly Cat that's for fucking sure.

Lordy... this happened months ago, but I still feel it like a slap. I don't know, I guess I'm naive or something. Who can explain it? Not me. No Sir.

Anyway...this incident aside, here is a list of other useful things I've learnt while I've been on twitter,  if some of these make me look rather stupid, I have two things to offer in my defence:

1. I'm an idiot
2. This is the first time I've been exposed to alot of Americans. You guys are, in many ways, like aliens to me.

a) Hot Mess: I'm still not really sure what this is. I'm guessing its the type of celeb who ends up on the cover of gossip mags looking stoned? I really don't know. No idea.

b) Hugs: Look, it's an American thing. Europeans just don't go around groping each other every 20 seconds.I find the rate you guys hug eachother kind of kinky and a little unnerving. But that's me. See points 1 and 2 if you feel I'm being nasty.

c) Cuddlepile: More groping. Kind of like a group orgy. I ain't going in there... No way. No hard feelings for those that like them, but I have my dark suspicions. I accept it's probably points 1 and 2 all over again.

d) Key Lime Pie: While I'm polite about it, it still sounds kind of nasty.

e) Smores: You've got to be fucking kidding me.

f) 7 and 7: I still don't know, someone kept mentioning it to me in conversation, when I asked what it was, they rather irately explained something, I just said, "oh, ok' but I thought, "Take a downer you fucking arsehole". I think it's got something to do with vodka? Fuck knows. I lost interest when this cranky cunt went off.

g) Booger: still don't know, I always thought it referred to snotballs, but now I'm not so sure. Spare me the explanations. I don't want to know.

h) Light on the Loafers: apparently this means gay? It sounds dumb, why not just say fucking fag? Or if you want to use a grown up polite euphamism, just say: "bats for the other side", what's a fucking loafer anyway? and why does it make you a faggot if you're ligtht on them (whatever that is). I just found it dumb.

i) Merkan: This is apparently a pejorative term for some kind of American from a certain socio-economic demographic. The funny thing is, the thing that introduced me to this term is someone, who by his own definition fits the term perfectly. It's a nasty term and he is a nasty piece of work.

j) Hello Kitty: WTF?? As far as I'm concerned: Goodbye Kitty! Fuck you, you vacuous tramp

k) Grill: apparently it's slang for face or mouth? I thought it was something on the front of a car or a cooking thing.

l) Ducktail Salad: Who cares what this is. I still don't know, still don't care.

m) Hooch: never heard of it. Still not sure. Is it weed?

n) Cheezy Pouffs: I first heard this on South Park and I simply assumed it was satire. No, something this disgusting actually exists. People eat them. They make your fingers go yellow? Oh for God's sake.

o) Care Package: I'd always assumed this is the kind of thing sent to disadvantaged or displaced people. But apparently Americans use this term for any parcel with useful things in it. I get parcels from one of my aunts all the time, I was DMng with an American when I recieved my last two. He asked me what was in my 'care package' I thought he was being ironic. Well, at the risk of sounding uninformed,  I still regard them as parcels. If I'm ever in a war zone and you send me useful things, I'll regard it as a 'care package'. Until then, it's just a parcel to me. See points one and two if you disagree.

To conclude, although this list is by no means finished, I'm going to complete it next time, I want to tell you about one of the most ironic moments I experienced through twitter. It makes me sneer with pleasure everytime I think about it.

I once received an email from someone who dribbled some obnoxious shit and added: "I'm concerned for your psyche". This from someone who notoriously has never been able to complete a coherent sentence and who is to put it uh gently "creepily odd". You can be certain I expressed my caring concern for her own psyche in, well, clear terms.. Gosh twitter's a funny thing. I'm learning as fast as I can. I promise.

Cheers, No Hugs tho,

Ever Your

Motha Fucka

At Your Service

Ain't you Lucky?

Sincerely,

Sir Fudge Esq (MFE)

yo.

PS: the image I put used (for the sake of  having one) is of Iggy Pop and the Stooge's Album "Raw Power". It's brilliant. Or as most of you would have it "Awesome! HuGz!"

PPS: Yes, there is the German "Mookie" who loves to Hugz Hugz Hugz! don't ask me to explain this abberation of nature. I have no explanation at all. He's a freethinker or something. I'm Old School Euro, if some one Hugz me, I assume they're trying to get it on with me.

Ego, Couch or Cat which is it to be?

If this isn't acceptable...

...is this?...

...or this?..






                                                        
                                                                                               

This insanity ...                                                         

...Versus this couch. ---------->

It's a fucking couch.
The only meaning it has
is meaning you attach to it.
It has no awareness of it's existence.
If you snip off bits off it here and there,
it won't notice or feel a thing. It's an object.

This cat is not an object. She felt pain for some weeks after her mutilation, and the absence of her body parts every day she was alive thereafter.

This couch feels nothing. It's there to serve a practical purpose, not our ego, ie: it's something to sit on.. A couch as ego statement indicates a vapid character and intellect. And a fucked sense of values. The cat on the couch has an ego, she has feelings, memory, instincts, happiness. All of her body, including her claws, is part of this awareness.

Conclusion: if your couch is more important to you than your cat,.
It's better not to have a cat.

Suggestions: Get couch covers and throw rugs. Who gives a fuck what's underneath? Nobody that matters.

Must every living thing be subordinated to a sterile, sanitized world view? Is this really how we regard the world and fellow animals forced to share it with us?

It's different to neutering. Procreation for cats is seasonal, the cat only feels the need when the season rolls around. No season, no imperative to notice the absence of reproductive organs. Claws are used everyday in every way. Same as your fingers. What if I cut your fingers off at the knuckles, then neutered you? Which would you notice the absence of more?

I know some tweeps I'm friendly with have declawed their cats. My purpose isn't to offend. No one's born knowing the right thing to do. I did want to show people what declawing actually looks like. It's not just snip snip of a few claw tips. It's rather more intrusive and mutilating than that.

Cheers, I guess... 

SFE x

PS. Cats scratch. What do people fucking think they do with their claws?

 Community Concern for Cats

The above link is quite good, it's one of many. Sadly.

Ficken Ficken Über Alles

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to your lesson in, well, 'casual' German is one word for it. A couple of things to explain first. This was a lot easier in theory than in execution. In the interests of conciseness and saving you and I from mind numbing boredom, I omitted grammar and pronounciation notes. I'll furnish you with this fun stuff later.

Swine, shit, arses, and dirt are commonplace in German obscenity. More so than in English. In English where you guys use fuck in all kinds of ways, in German, we mostly use fuck to refer to well, fucking. Nevertheless, in German these words, depending on how they're used, have the same connotation and power of the word fuck. Don't go calling a German a shit, arse or swine unless you're prepared to answer for it.

You will most likely notice the section on getting laid, fucking and related is rather long and graphic, it's no use blaming me for this or suspecting perversion on my part, just as in English, in German there seems to be no end of euphamisms for genitalia and fornication. I left alot out I can tell you.

True to form, as I'm such a selfish cunt, I'm going to start with scenarios that interest me. Verpiss dich if you don't like it.

1. Scene: Getting high

a) kiffen: to toke

b) Joint: joint

c) Jamaikanische Luft: lit. "Jamaican air" ie. Weed.

d) knülle sein: to be stoned. (I use this word alot)

e) Kung Fu Puder: lit. "Kung Fu Powder" ie. Coke. (I think this is hysterically funny) Uppers suck by the way.

f) Spliffen: to smoke weed

g) Straff sein: to be loaded

h) suchten: to get hooked, to addict.

i) Kristaller: crackster, speed freak

j) Ticket: acid

k) Tüte: joint

l) Verballert: wasted

m) total verstrahlt sein: to be high as a kite

n) vollgequartzt zu sein: completely high

m) sich zudröhnen: to get wasted, stoned

n) Gärtner: Dealer

o) Abzocker: Hustler

p) Schlitzohr: crook

q) Rauschgift: smack, heroin.

2. Scene: telling someone to fuck off

a) Verpiss dich: Piss off / fuck off / get the fuck off

b) Du bist Scheiße: lit: you are shit. You suck

c) Hau ab: get lost, fuck off, Fuck you

d) sich verpissen: to fuck off

e) jemand ankotzen: to fuck somebody off

f) Leck mich am Arsch: kiss my arse, fuck off

g) Das geht mir am Arsch vorbei: I don't give a shit

g) Verpisst euch: fuck you all

h) Schnautze: shut up, lit. shut your snout

i) Es ist mir scheiß egal: I don't give a shit / I don't give a fuck

3. Insults.

a) Weichei: Wimp

b) Rindvieh: Moron

c) Rotznase: Prick, little snot

d) Faule Sack: lazy bum

e) Fuzzi: Nerd

f) Ablästern: to talk shit

g) Arsch mit Ohren: idiot (arse with ears)

h) Torte: tart

i) Sau: bitch, bastard

j) Schwein: bastard, son of a bitch, pig

k) Arschlecker: lit. arse licker, arse kisser, brown noser, (crawler)

l) Arschloch: Arsehole

m) Mistkerl: bastard, dirty swine

n) Miststück: bastard, bitch, piece of shit

o) Dampfwalze: lit. Steamroller, fatso

p) Schweinerei: pigsty, indecent act, mess, scandal

q) Schlapschwanz: lit. limp dick, wimp

r) Rüpel: Rogue, lout

s) Trottel: Jerk, idiot, also clumsy oaf

t) Arschkriecher: Arse crawler

u) Baddewannenpisser: lit. bathwater pisser, childish person

v) Schleimpatzen: Slimeheap, oder: Schleim: slime


4. Getting Laid, Body Parts, Fucking and related etc

a) blickficken: to fuck with the eyes

b) Puff: brothel

c)Hure, Nutte: Whore

d)Dirne: Hooker

e) Dirnenviertel: Red Light District

f) Bubistrich: Male Red Light District

g) Fünf gegen einen: lit. 5 against 1: to jerk off

h) Abmelken: jerk off

i) den Fisch fangen gehen: lit. to go catch the fish: to masturbate

j) Arschkordel: lit. arse rope: G-string

k) Arschgeweih: lit. arse antlers: lower back tattoo

l) Schlampenstampel: lit. Tramp stamp, slut stamp: lower back tattoo

m) geiler Bock: horny old goat

n) jemandem anmachen: to hit on someone

o) Knutschfleck: hickey

p) notgeil: horny

q) Brünstig: on heat

r) heiß sein: to be hot

s) dicke Eier haben: lit. to have big eggs (nuts), to be horny

t) Kavaliersschmerzen: lit. gentlemen's pain, blue balls

u) Fickbar: fuckable

v) Hurenbock: male slut

w) Flitchen: hussy

x) Schickse: slut

y) Schlampe: slut, tramp

z) Heißmacherin: lit. woman who gets one hot/horny, tease

aa) Schwanzfopper: prick tease

bb) Schwanzmagnet: lit. prick magnet, babe

cc) Andstandsfick: courtesy fuck

dd) bi: bisexual

ee) schwul: gay

ff) Analritter: lit. Anal knight. fag

gg) für die anderer Mannschaft spielen: to bat for the other side

hh) Leckschwester: lit. lick sister, lesbian

ii) Straßenhure: streetwalker

jj) Schwantzlutscher: cock sucker

kk) a tergo: doggy style

ll) flachlegen: to screw someone

mm) Möpse: tits

nn) Vorbau: rack

oo) Schamlippen: pussy lips

pp) Latte: hard on

qq) Aal: lit. eel, schlong

rr) Schwanz: lit. tail, prick

ss) Kronjuwelen: Crown jewels

tt) Kitzler: clit

uu) Muschi: pussy

vv) Möse: pussy

ww) Gummi: condom

xx) Präser: condom

yy) Mösenmoped: lit. vagina moped, vibrator

zz) einen Ständer haben: to get a hard on

a1) erschlaffen: to get soft, to go limp

b1) feucht werden: to get wet

c1) spitz sein: to be horny

d1) Mösensaft: Cunt juice

e1) Wermutstropfen: drops of pre cum

f1) jemandem einen blasen: to give someone a blow job

g1) aussaugen: to blow

h1) Blümchensex: dull standard sex, missionary

i1) es treiben: to fuck

j1) Bumsen: to shag

k1) Bollern: to fuck someone's brains out

l1) knallen: to fuck someone stupid

m1) geigen: to fuck

n1) nageln: to bone, to nail (fuck)

o1) Rammeln: to hump, be at it,

p1) vögeln: to screw

q1) besorgen: to fuck

r1) ficken: to fuck

s1) Natursekt: lit. nature's champagne, golden shower

t1) flotter dreier: threesome

u1) Lümmelgetümmel: group sex

v1) Mattratzenwunder: lit. mattress wonder, woman who is good in bed

w1) kommen: to cum

x1) abspritzen: to cum

y1) Soße: lit. sauce, cum

z1) Ficksahne: lit. Fuck cream: cum

5. Miscellaneous

a) Labern: to talk bullshit

b) Riß in der Schüssel: lit. to have a crack in the bowl, to be fucked in the head (insane)

c) Idiot: jerk, idiot

d) Hirnrissig: completely stupid

e) Nullchecker: moron

f) Klugscheißer: smart arse

g) Drecksack: scumbag

h) Drecksau: filty pig

i) Mafiatörtchen: Mafia tart

j) abschädeln: lit. to get off one's head: to booze it up

k) Schluckwunder: lit. swallowing wonder: drunk

l) sich die Kante geben: to get shit faced drunk

m) Puffbrause: champagne brothel lemonade

n) Strullen: to piss

o) Angepisst: to be pissed off

p) Chateau Migraine: lit. migraine castle, cheap wine.

q) Alkoholleiche: lit. alcohol corpse, to be passed out from booze

r) Brauereitumor: lit. brewery tumour, beer belly


Well, gentlemen, here endeth the lesson for today. I hope you learnt something useful.

Cheers

SFE x


FUCK! <-------- parts of this are very funny. Hope you enjoy it.

Do you "get" Irony?

Hello, before I begin what I fear is going to turn into a painful ramble, I want to explain to you that I'm extremely stoned. Totally drug fucked in every way. I'm going to do my best to be as concise, pertinent, and meaningful as I can.

Because I'm so completely trashed, my brain has switched to binary code. This means that in order for me to explain complex concepts, I by default switch to simple on/off statements. Essentially, you're seeing my brain work at it's rawest and most basic.

1. This week I'm trying to reduce the people who follow me. There's too many. I only want people who are friends I actually speak to. There's nothing personal in this. If I remove you from follows and you want to come back, just knock on my admissions door and I'll let you in. It's no good complaining that I've removed you if we never actually spoke much. Complaining doesn't even make sense. You need to make sense if we're going to get on. Before anyone starts screeching or "boo hoo" please ensure that the logic of what you say in no way conflicts with the logic of the above statement, because it is flawless. I can only form proper friendships with people who understand that 2 + 2 = 4. I can't get on with anyone else or take them seriously. Thank you

2. Someone put me back on the wall. Votewall will take me off shortly. Whoever did this, even if not in spite, I have this to say to you: you have no fucking manners. I would never submit anyone's name to anything at all without their consent. This is because I have manners and respect. Anyone who submits someone's name to anything without asking them first is showing the world they have no class or breeding and that their mother was a crack whore in some slum. I may even have fucked her if I felt sorry for her and tossed her a dime afterwards. It was like fucking a used condom. A crack whore mother is the upbringing that you are parading before the world. Good luck to you, you need it.

3. For the irredeemably stupid,(ie: the offspring of crack whores) my current avatar is an example of IRONY (you'll find a definition of this in the Oxford English Dictionary). My avatar was inspired by the song "So Fresh and So Clean" by Outkast. It is an example of sarcastic, self piss taking humour. I do hope this is not too much for you to understand. I know the people I like are capable of connecting several complex and not so complex thoughts together, the people I don't like aren't capable of these kind of simple intellectual gymnastics, so I thought I'd help these retards understand the "Coolest Motha Fucka on the Planet" theme of my avatar. If anyone still has objections, I can only suggest that you run, don't walk to the nearest psyhchiatrist or remedial education centre. I wish you much luck with either.

4. I feel quite ill, so no German Expletive lessons, it takes more planning than I was first aware of. Next post for sure.

5.If somneone unfollows me, I never mention it. I couldn't care less. Only once I was a little mystified and mentioned it but there were specific circumstances, people follow and unfollow me everyday, I say nothing because it means nothing. I wish more people were a little more relaxed in their follows and unfollows. Why take it personally? Are you really that important?

5. I have more to say, but as I told you earlier, I'm tired, stoned and quite ill. So let me conclude with my usual

Love and Cheers

SFE

Dear Yoda and Friends

I'm posting these few words in order to rid your blog roll of the unappealing image I posted. While I don't regard your blogs as my responsibility, I'm happy to oblige out of a sense of friendship.

If certain "Anipals" (and I use that word with all the venomous sarcasm I can muster) leave me alone, none of you ever need to see it again. I take no pleasure or pride in presenting this crass garbage.

Cheers and Love

Sir Fudge Esq

PS: if I'm left alone, lessons in German expletives begin soon. I can't wait. I'm a didactic prick at the best of times, it's something I look forward too. x

Someone here really likes their porn huh?

I'm sorry for this tacky image. I'm mean that sincerely, I take no pleasure in presenting the objectification of body parts. For me, this is the way civilization ends, it's no different from deliberately pissing in one's bed, it's a sign one simply no longer cares for any kind of propriety.

The world will keep spinning on it's axis, money will remain the go card to life; but it ain't civilization.

So why present it? Well, some pleasant genius has decided, notwithstanding my fequent polite and not so polite appeals not to do so, to nominate me as a candidate for that lame arsed Best of Twitter again. This would be the 6th time now? I think so.


In order to facilitate my speedy removal from said wall, I assume these porn avatars and it gets me off quick (off the wall that is).

So it seems that some "Anipal" rather likes their porn, they keep putting me back again! Well, there's no accounting for taste huh?

I want to make a point about the whole Anipal thing before I continue. I've been critcised for 'not being nice about "Anipals" well, here is my response:


The tweeps behind animal avatars are not "Anipals" they are people, a microcosm of society with all of it's inseparable elements of good, bad, and ugly. People should grow up and understand this. Just because someone sticks an animal on their avatar doesn't make 'em a "pal" by a long shot. No Sir. Haven't I've learnt that the hard way...

I've been close friends here with tweeps since the day I started tweeting. I love my friends so it's not as though I see you all as "Stuffed animals" which is how someone I've since blocked rather offensively described you all to me on DM.

To be quite honest with you, I've never once critcized you all en masse. I like most of you far too much to do that. I've never once turned up on anyone's dms bitching about this tweep or that. But I know plenty who have.

Of course I've let off steam on dm about certain tweeps who have gone out of their way to hurt me. I don't feel bad about this at all. But the fact remains, I've never once turned up apropos of nothing and bitched about anyone here. I'd defy anyone here to say with any honesty that they know me to have done this. I rarely intiate DM conversations (or even timeline conversations for that matter) and when I do, it ain't about any of you.

I spend alot of time on DM with many friends, especially Sir Bailey. What do we talk about? Not any of you. We talk about drugs, swap filthy jokes and get high as fucking kites. I adore him. He is the best company.

Ok that's explained. Next thing: Why I wonder, do tweeps keep putting me back up on Best of Twitter? everyone knows I don't want to be there. So why? I'm not even angry about it. I've given it some thought, and I've realised they do this to me for the following reasons:

1. They feel competitive with me, in their dull little brains, they see me as the man "to beat" the one who makes them feel small, so they have to even the score somehow.

2. They are desperate for my attention, I no longer speak to any of them, and their egos cannot take this.

3. They are retards, rude, obnoxious, barely educated, and spiteful. They want to be me, I've noticed pathetic lame attempts at being Fudge clones.
Look, be yourself. I dont' want to be any of you, I dont' feel competitive with any of you in the least. The two major feelings I have toward you is esteem and an affection that overwhelms me and makes me shy at times or utter loathing toward those who have no fucking respect for me, for others or for themselves.

I want you all to remember one thing. I didn't want to be in the last competition, I appealed several times to faxo to take me off. I don't like attention. I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to beat anyone. But if tweeps are going to be nasty to me, well, they get the humliating drubbing they deserve. I have no conscience about that. Fuck them.


I want you to know that I'm not angry about being put back again, more just, "oh you sad, lame fucks".

I do despise all competitions of this nature, and I'm sick to death of tweeps who justify all their crass bullshit by saying "Oh, it's for a good cause" just saying something is for charity doesn't mean it isn't egotistical bullshit, nor does it confer any kind of credibility or class up on your lame brained crap.

One final thing, the utter moron (I know who he is) who put me back in last month's competition did his zombie dog friend no favours at all. As if he wanted all this shit splattering all over the place again. To be quite honest with you, I feel sorry for the poor bastard, but then again with friends like his, who needs enemies? It's why I've blocked them all. That little group is just trouble making scum who have all bitched about eachother to me on dm at one time or other.

What else can I say to you? Not much, I think I've explained everything I wanted to.

I have a horrible headache, I'm getting some kind of flu again I'm certain of it. I'm so cold. Ah well, shit happens.

Love and Cheers

Sir Fudge Esq

(ever proudly, your Motha Fucka)

How to 'Do' Twitter Wall in a few Easy Steps

Hello, I'm writing this post for those of you involved in the Twitter Wall "Best of Twitter" competition, I think you'll find it quite fascinating and most certainly helpful.

Just prior to my withdrawal from last month's competition, I gave my full attention to some suspicious voting paradigms I'd noticed from certain tweeps. These paradigms were forced upon my attention as they were apparent in instances of voting 'against' me. The voting against me didn't bother me, I'd been doing that with great pleasure against certain tweeps there. Gosh that's fun. I really really enjoy strategy and campaigning, the whole thing was like a war to me. I got off good and hard I can tell you.

Anyway, to the purpose of this post. We all know there's tweeps amongst us who cheat? who cares, it's just a fucken' meaningless competition, it's all bullshit.

Well, I did some fiddling around and I had it figured in minutes. In the interests of fairness, (why should a minority have this advantage and not you?) I'm going to reveal to you how it's done. Anyone with a pc can do it, it ain't rocket science. I'm also going to provide you with some useful tips on how not to get caught.

In order to multiple vote from the one computer, all you need to do is create as many administrators on your computer as you require. In my experiment, I found 8-10 to be a reasonable number.

What you do is, you log on with one of your administrators, vote, log off, log back on with another and so on, in short, you can generate as many votes as you have administrators without regard for the 20 minute rule.

If you invent twitter accounts for these extra votes, you can sign in quite easily with them into faxo with twitter and stay signed in, and there won't be a problem. However, you can choose to simply log them into faxo using the 'human not a bot' recaptcha sign in method, I found the twitter option easier because you only have to do it once, but it may be easier to get busted this way too.


I didn't do this in last month's competition.

When I when I noticed to my utter, utter dismay and frustration, that I'd been nominated as a candidate for this month's, I decided I would choose one of two options:

1. I would put somtething so confronting on my avatar that they'd have to withdraw me, (like an anal sex cum shot) or
2. I would use my new found technique to cheat so blatantly, that I would have to be removed from the competition.

Well, something seems to have worked because I was removed. Ok, mission accomplished. Now if I can get black balled from that infantile shit for life, I'm home free. I still have the anal sex cum shot up my sleeve, if that doesn't work, I'm deleting my account, and you don't want me as a loose canon. Trust me, you don't.

Anyway, I hope you've found this helpful. If you need any more details in how to get ahead on the Wall, just let me know, one successful (though tough let me tell you) campaign has made me rather an expert on this thing.

I'm very bright. I notice things, I observe, I hit back hard. I hit to hurt. But having said that, all anyone needs to know about me is this: (to quote a Haitian proverb): I can be as sweet as honey, or as bitter as bile, your choice which, I'm good at both. Trust me on this, you want sweet Fudge, not the bitter stuff.

Don't put me back on the wall. Thank you.


Yours, Ever Sweetly and Proudly

Sir Mother Fucken' Fudge Esq

Twitter Wall: Not a Competitor: In my heart, I was a Killer

Did I cheat? No.

Why did I withdraw? I had achieved everything (and much more) that I wanted or hoped for. I'm not into popularity contests. They are demeaning. I'm more comfortable as the Dark Horse, I'm not a part of the "Anipal Establishment" I had no business being there.

Did I enjoy it? Yes and No. I thoroughly enjoyed shitting on certain scum as I passed them by. I felt awful passing my friends and tweeps who had never done me any harm.

Did I prove anything? Yes. One of the scum who I believed was a friend would constantly tell me that I was widely feared, hated and unpopular, I'm now reassured that he is the lying jealous fool I always took him for. The amnount of support I got was unbelievable.

How did I do it? I had a core group of friends and we stuck by eachother, we also had many many fellow travellers who supported and were supported by us. We were loyal and respected eachother.We played no games of one upmanship with one another. Whenever I was about to pass a friend I offered to withdraw from the contest. My offer was genuine in every case. I didn't want to be there, I couldn't have cared less.

Would I do it again? If any piece of shit ever crosses me again I'll take every opportunity that presents itself to humiliate them in a heart beat, without conscience. When I was a young 'un I was made to play game after game of chess, I hate the game now, but it teaches you logic, strategy and machine like ruthlessness and efficiency.

Have I learnt anything? Yes. What I achieved in 5 days was incredible. But I made mistakes, if there has to be a next time (if these shits leave me alone there won't be) I'll make no mistakes and fucking wipe the floor with their cunts entirely.

How did I feel the whole time? Aside from exhausted, I had no emotion whatsoever, I was a machine, an annihilation machine. I wanted to hurt, to wipe out and humiliate. This was done to me. I had no pangs of sympathy, my conscience didn't bother me at all, no matter how ungentlemanly my tactics. Also, I took pleasure in the fact some stupid drama queen had a breakdown. Job done. Mission accomplished.

Final Comment: I never wanted to be there. I know the strange little creep that put me back on it. Well, guess what, after you and your little friend had a spectacular dummy spit and withdrew from the competition,(I'm not surprised you did, when dummies taste like sour grapes they're no fun at all) I put you back on the wall. As if you ever going to win anyway you pointless dickheads.

Thank you to everyone who voted for me. We all knew what it was all about. Every vote for me reflected support for me, and disgust at slanderous, vicious scum who got what they deserved.

PS. The assumption that some deserve to get votes because they perform public acts of charity annoys me a little. Many of us have given time, cash and hard physical work in support of animals in need. It's not an impulse exclusive to a small handful.

Once again, (a tiny minority excepted) thank you to everyone here. I wish I could find the words to express the warmth and care I feel for you. I'm quite incomepetent at articulating this kind of thing, but believe me, you mean more to me than you'll ever know.

Love, Respect and Cheers

Sir Fudge Esq (Still and Ever, a Motha Fucka Extraordinaire)