Whe I Look at the Televsion, I Wanna See Me Starin Right Back At Me...

Hello, I hope all is ok with you, I have missed chatting to you, truly. Especially to the twit who persistently suggests I'm deranged, come back, honey, you make me feel so...uh 'superior', is the word I think.

Well, enough of that. I've had some friends tell me they are a little annoyed with the amount of "Go vote" tweets I've been sending. Well, I agree, it is annoying and I try to keep it to a minimum. I sincerely apologize, I know how irritating it is, it's how I used to feel about pawcircles, they spammed up the page and made it look like a fucking morgue. Was so depressing, at the height of this pointless faddish bullshit there were paw circles for fucking blisters for Christ sakes.

Someone who I like very much asked me on DM what the fuck I was doing in the the competition in the first place. Well that, along with the aforementioned apology, is the purpose of this post, it's actually quite a funny story, so listen and be attentive:

Regular readers of this blog will recall that I was rather irate when I found out I'd been nominated as a candidate for that piece of crap. What I then did, was contact the management at faxo and explain to them, that a popularity contest just isn't my thing, and was there any possibility of removing me from it?

Very kindly, they granted me my request. I was ever so happy. As far as I was concerened that was the end of the matter.

Well, there's no accounting for idiots. I think some moron who read my previous post on this blog thought it would be rather funny (which gives you some idea of the low brow mentality of these dickheads)to resubmit my name.

Again, I contacted faxo management, I sent them several emails, several tweets, several dms. I heard nothing back. So I thought, "ok, ok, you fucking wanker you want me as a candidate? I'll give you something to vote for", and I came up with my present (glorious) avatar. I'm very proud of it. It's my favourite avatar ever.

A week or so went by, and I was on that fucking wall, I honestly thought no one was going to vote for a Motha Fucka.

I finally received a DM from faxo apologizing and explaining that they were snowed under with work etc etc, they also asked me did I still want to be taken off because my votes were just rolling in. I was surprised.

I replied, "you know what? I find it hysterically funny that people are voting for a Motha Fucka, leave me there it's cool".

I recieved the following response: "You're a nut....that's why we love ya". It's so nice to be understood.

Now I'm happy to get in everyone's face with my Motha Fucka avatar. And what's even nicer, is waving bye bye to people who, entirely unprovoked, have been cunts to me as I pass them by... Oh, God it feels so good.

In terms of my candidacy, I have no expectation of winning or even being in the top 25, I'm simply happy to laugh that people seem enjoy voting for a motha fucka, it makes me laugh and laugh...everyone else is trying to look appealing and, well, then there's me... I'm so getting off on myself.

But you know, if I saw someone who proudly stated they were a White Trash Motha Fucka, I'd vote for them before I voted for some mealy mouthed slimey cunt who packages themselves as everyone's friend, then bitches about them behind their backs.


I think though, I'll bow out shortly, as the song goes: "I've had my fun, and now it's done" I'm a bit embarrassed to ask faxo to withdraw me again, so I'll have to think about what to do.

If anyone is appalled by my avatar, just remember, I never asked to be on the fucking thing in the first place. All I can say is: Deal with it kiddies.

PS: to those who are annoyed by my spam, I honestly am sorry and there's no hard feelings on my part if you unfollow, if you want to come back when it's all over, that's cool.

Bye for now

With Love

Sir Fudge Esq (Motha Fucka Extraordinaire)

Сфт Зщые Шт фтн Fucking Дфтпгфпуу Ш цфт

Руддщ!
ершы щту шы ащк фдд еру MOTHERFUCKERS црщ сщьздфшт фищге цшуреук Ш зщые шт Утпдшыр щк fucking Пукьфтб FUCK YOU. Дуфкт фтщерук агслштп дфтпгфпу ша нщг вщтэе fucking дшлу ше Нщг руфк?
Вщ Ш сщьу щт нщгк fucked up boring as cunt shit идщпды фтв сщьздфшт фищге црфе еру fucking идщи фищге? Щтсу? Умук? Nyet Ш fucking вщтэе
Лууз ыгслштп Obama's cock нщг fucking white trash нщг ьшпре дуфкт ыщьуерштпб...зкщифидн тще фтнщту црщ сщьздфшты фищге еру дфтпгфпу црщ сьздфшты фищге ф дфтпгфпу ерфе фтщерук идщп шы цшкееут шт сфт огые FUCK OFF.
Ершы шы цщклштп мукн цудд ащк ьу Ш'ь пщштп ещ вщ ершы ьщку щаеут, just to be a cunt, just to get up your fucking nose.
Агсл ершы шы ыщ дшиукфештп! Црн еру fuck вшвтэе Ш ерштл ща ершы иуащку?
Ш аууд ыщ Fucking Hot!
Щр,ыщьуершьуы даау шы fucking good

Дщтп дшму Кгыышф Дщтп дшму Сщььгтшыь! Ащк еру Утпдшыр ызуфлштп Цуые: Eat Shit and Die Fuckers

With Love (Mit Liebe)

Sir Fudge Esq. x

I'm Back Motha Fuckers!

Did you miss me? Of course you fucken' did. Everyone loves their psycho bitch Fudgey Wudgey. I know, I know...

I took myself off that lame arsed shit for brains Best of Twitter thing, who the fuck takes that nut job ego bullshit seriously? I fucking cringed when I found I was on it. Poor @SamthePoodle really copped it, I thought he put me on it and I called the poor bastard a Son of a bitch, he still is a Son ofa bitch, but he was entirely innocent in this case. Poor Cunt.


I'm very grateful for those who voted nonetheless. Thank you, it's very kind of you to think of me, but popularity contests simply aren't me, I'm just not into begging for people to like me. Fuck that.

This is just a short post to say hi, and cheers guys, it's nice to see you again. x Amen

I'm too Sexy for English

Hey English speaking guys, I'm sorry about the whole German thing, I just love love the language, I think in it, read it, and dream in it, it feels more natural to me than English.

Let's face it, English is a practical and pragmatic language, it gets the job done, but it's not sexy. European languages are sexy with their rolled r's, soft vowels, and elevated emotionalism.

English is kind of emotionally eviscerated. Whereas in German one word can be incredibly evocative of a myriad of things, like the beautiful words: "innerlichkeit" and "menschlichkeit" (as two examples out of thousands) one needs to be very clever with many English words indeed to express what these single words can suggest. We all know that brevity is the soul of wit? Well, this is why Germans are more witty than English speakers. We can say it in 2 words, you guys need 20.

I don't expect to have many friends after this, it's ok, I quite like being a pariah. Anyway, the point of all this is, I like expressing myself in German. It's a hot language, in spite of all the puerile Post WWII propaganda German speaking people had to endure. Victors write the history books, it's the same the throughout history the world over.

Anyway, over the next few posts I'm going to give you a Go Card to German, well, specifically, to German Expletives. I know them all: the good, the bad, the ugly and the downright nauseating. I'm very very proud of my mastery of English expletives, I can out cuss most people and this makes me happy. But my mastery of German filth is second to none. Surprised? Knew you would be.

Well, kiddies, I guess that's it. I have a fucking headache, I'm getting another bad head cold, I never usually get snot, mostly just glands and a head that wants explode like a young man's cum.


PS: I'm behind in my twitter homework. Sincere apologies to Herr Gänsefüßchen Mookie Gänsefüßchen (that is Herr @Schnille to anyone sane) to @CathyKeisha @Herbie_Cat and @Sir_Bailey, I have so much I promised to send to you cool guys and I will soon, a combination of being ill and slow connection has hindered me. I feel bad about this.

PPS: Have you heard Wildboutbirds and the gorgeous @thatStripeyCat are tying the knot? They're quite finicky about arrangements, and even have a classy wedding planner in @HollieFerguson. It's being staged somewhere in Virginia, aren't there still cowboys and Indians there? Good lord. What's wrong with Moscow Central Registrar? Turn up, yes yes, sign sign, Done. Next Please.
All over before some ornery old babushka screams "Nyet!"
...And her future son in law mutters: "Nekrič tak, fucking babushka..."

See you soon for your first Lesson - "Cuss Like an Obnoxious Cunt in German"

Auf wiedersehen Kiddies x

Na Ja es ist wieder da....

Und wo war es? Auf dem Tisch. Gott spielt nur mit mir... Arschloch...Fick dich...

Und noch was, was hast du mit meinem Buch getan? Es ist ja zum brechen was du mit mir treibst. Schwein. Dich bete ich nie mehr an. Nie und nimmer, hörst du?

Na ja, ich bin halt wieder knülle. Es geht niemand ein Scheißdreck an, oder? Bin halt Rauschgift süchtig, na und? Probleme haben wir alle.

Jeder für Sich, und Gott gegen Alle. Nicht wahr?

Mach's gut, Kinder x

Auf wiedersehen.

x.

Wieder Verloren! Wo ist mein fucking Ipod? Wo!!

Wo ist mein Fucking Ipod??!! Lieber Herr Gott wo hast du es diesmal versteckt?? Wo fucking wo? Du hast nur Freude wenn du mir bescheißen kannst. Du Sau.

I Feel a Burning Need to Explain This...

This is Händel.----------------------------------------------->
I find he looks a little smug, and also a little irked.I think he probably got to looking like this from all those years of kissing the King's (Henry VIII's) pompous arse. My favourite piece by Handel is from Brocke's Passion : O Donner wort,O Schrecklich Schreien. Try to listen to it. If you like it, I'll send you the music file.




<---------This is Bach, he looks a reasonable man, he had lots of children. If you've never heard any Bach, I'd recommend "Jesu, the Joy of Man's Desinring" it's very lovely. Hello Ladies, Gentlemen, and (unfortunately) the handful of brain dead kiddies that plague me with obstinate persistence. Generally speaking, I'm quite affable, however, there are some things that make me reflexively irritated. I'm certain I'm going to sound pedantic and snobbish, but I simply don't care. I have to say it. I become deeply irritated (ok to be quite honest, totally fucked off) when people refer to all music that predates popular music as "classical". Well, it isn't. Classical music refers to a particular genre and period of music. I won't bore you with the details, but essentially Western Music can be roughly divided into the following chronological phases: Ancient-Medieval-Renaissance-Baroque-Classical-Romantic then it (let's face it) devolves to 'popular'.

(I really don't think you will find anything interesting to read beyond this point)


Some further subcategories are: Music of the Catholic tradition and music of the Protestant tradition. Both are equally stunning. The whole beauty associated with European Medieval to 18th century religion haunts and obsesses me.

Very roughly, music of the Catholic tradition had it's hey day before the Protestant Reformation which (using a very arbitrary and sexy date, but it does have some truth) began with Martin Luther hammered his 95 theses to the Wittenberg Cathedral Door on October 31, 1517. This is one of the most meaningful and significant dates in Western History, the consequences of Luther's act were profound and changed the Western World and consequently, the rest of the word forever. If you remember no other date, remember this one.

Prior to the 19th century, (1800s) most people were illiterate, most were rural peasants. The later rise of an urban society (often dismal and critically impoverished)which grew up around factories and slums was a catalyst to the spread of literacy amongst the increasingly politically self aware proletarian classes, but this was no means uniform. Essentially, it was considered enough for the proletariat to understand the Bible, be submissive, and produce factory fodder offspring.

In many illiterate societies, art assumes a greater role than it does in literate ones. We no longer 'read' paintings, architecture and music the way a person of the medieval, renaissance, baroque (esp. counter Reformation) would.

Medieval man understood the material world as merely a symbol of God's Creation. He regarded the world in Platonic terms: God created the perfect ideal, and the physical world was merely a symbol of this ideal. Heaven was not found on earth (remember in those days, life was for many, "nasty, brutish, short" (Thomas Hobbes), but rather with God in the Great Beyond.

If you need a reminder of how important art was to pre literate societies, consider the iconoclasm of the Protestants, it expressed a need to rid the world of false symbols that corrupted both the spiritual interior and obscured Man's relationship with God. Classic deconstructionism: The world can be reconstructed through destruction. It's an impulse which studs all societies across all generations.

Fascinatingly, Luther and the general Protestant movement emphasized the importance of the "Word" of God. The Gutenberg printing press was invented in 1454, literacy was inch by inch penetrating and changing society. creating new subcultures and classes, the Western world was losing it's "symbolic" consciousness and becoming increasingly a society whose thoughts and thinking processes were conditioned by the linear and logical discipline of words and sentences. However to begin with, this was confined to essentially the nascent bourgeoisie and elite.

The mass illiteracy of medieval to modern societies is the the explanation for why in those times, music assumed a greater symbolic importance than it does now. Music was a way of teaching and reinforcing the prevailing social order, which prior to the rise of Capitalism, was sacred (as opposed to profane [secular]). Simply put, music was mostly a didactic tool.

One can see this especially in the music of the Catholic tradition which is much more hierarchical and architectural (as is Catholicism itself) than the music of the protestants which expressed a more spontaneous and emotional approach to religious thinking and feeling. Think Gregorian chant vs Bach and Händel, (yes, that traitorous bastard Händel had an umlaut in his name before he decided to arse kiss King Henry VIII, but that's a rant for another day)



Well gentlemen, here endeth the lesson for today.

All didacticism is deeply and ineffably dull to most people. but I don't give a fuck, I wanted to explain this.

Yours, most affably I'm sure,

Sir Fudge Esq

PS: If anyone is interested in furthering their knowledge of this otherworldly and asthetically beautiful part of European history, I would recommend Kenneth Clarke's "Civilization". It's deservedly regarded as a classic (in the 'non ephemeral' sense). Clarke is a little sneering and stuck up about German cultural achievement, which was, like it or not, world shaping. Like most British, he hates to admit when someone's better than him, which is why World War I began. It's nonetheless a brilliant entry point into the art and mentality which shaped Western society (for better or for worse), as we know it today.

One of the next things I feel a burning need to think about is the issue of state sovereignty. Won't that be a fucking hoot.




PPS: To give an example of the synthesis of religion and philosophy with music that existed in the mind of Medieval European society, consider "Equable Temperament" I don't have the space to explain this in detail, but essentially, some musical notes were not used in medieval times simply because they did not accord with Medieval ideas of perfect mathematical scale and were therefore considered profane (they contradicted ideas of the Sacred perfection of God's Creation).

To have included them would have been to produce the music of the Devil, the "Devils Music". This is why medieval music sounds so very strange to us, they simply eschewed the use of musical notes which did not accord with their deistic world view. I find this example of how differently my ancestors viewed the world eerily, weirdly , fascinatingly, picturesque.