Hey All, Best Read This First:
Greetings and a warm welcome to my blog.
First things first
This blog contains words and references offensive to those who never made it through the maturation process.
The intellectually and psychologically impaired will find nothing here to enjoy.
If this applies to you, dear reader, you're welcome, and strongly encouraged to leave now. No hard feelings on my part.
I'm trying to make this clear to the 'boo hoo brigade". If you CANNOT grasp this simple concept. This page is NOT FOR YOU
REPEAT: WARNING: BLACK IRONY. NASTY SELF PISS TAKING HUMOUR. FUCK OFF NOW IF YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND THIS. I WON'T MIND. EVER.
*PS: I'm pro Palestinian, pro animal rights in a way that pisses many people off. You should consider fucking off now if you object to this kind of thing.
PS This blog is not really fit for human consumption, it's best read as it was written, drunk on vodka or otherwise high as a kite...Enjoy...
Twitter 101 (For Grownups)
Prior to my signing up for twitter, social media was a pretty utilitarian vehicle for me, twitter was the first social media i used to be, well, social. I've made more than my share of gaffes (well who hasn't?).
A novice to this nonsense, i was guided by pretty much 1 golden rule: if i don't want to read something, I stop reading it. if anyone doesn't want to read my stuff, no one's forcing them to. If they're too stupid to stop reading it, yet persist in boring me shitless by complaining to me about anything i've said: block 'em. Life's too short to put up with whiney little bitches.
As I'll demonstrate in this post, This eminently sensible golden has it's strengths and weaknesses. It is apparently only comprehensible to adults. Half wits will just keep on bitching. That's just the way of the world.
I can only comment on groups or individuals that may be representative of groups on twitter, whether you agree or disagree with my conclusions is a consequence of experience and temperament.
To keep this post fronm becoming too inflated (long) I'm going to arrange it in neat and concise sections.
Shall we go to, boys n girls? We begin.
Black American Twitter: Easily one of my favs. Direct, no nonense, fascinating vernacular, tolerate no bullshit, polite if addressed politely and somehow, very human. No fucktards allowed. Usually a young crowd and that energy is evident in their tweets. Often very articulate, simultaneously awesome cuss words. I'd recommend this group to anyone except whiney little furries.
German/Kraut Twitter: if you ever needed a reason to learn the German language, this is it. Incredibly cerebral, informed, direct, witty, and has much in common with black American twitter. Both are polite if adressed politely, both have cracking whip smart cynicial humour, and both can exhibit a rawness you don't find in other twitter.
The Germans are also unashamedly honest, masturbation, drug use, drinking, fucking - they don't give a fuck, they'll just come right out with it, dude. Where black American twitter can become a little maudlin and sentimental, German twitter renders the one finger salute, I'm telling you, Kraut Twitter don't do Disney...
French Twitter: I never really pursued this group, mainly cuz i don't like the French, and my French is just very basic conversational "Bonjour monsieur! Comment t'allez vous?" French. I did follow back one Frenchie, and fucked him off weeks later, too pretentious, too "Ah'm zo fogging perfekt...ne c'est pas...?" You can fuck off now, Le Frog...
English Gay Twitter: Not as clever as you think you are, sorry sister, but yer tit n bum bullshit make me puke n cringe. Good if your drunk and wnna talk total infantile pooh bum shit. Not my thing. Some really nice guys tho. Some.
English Straight Twitter: Love to talk about "wot's on the telly, luv" the guys are more interesting than the girls, who just fucking whinge whinge whinge. Many think they're really something wonderful. Arrogant and unfunny.
Latin American Twitter: Some of the kindest, sweetest hearted people I ever met. Unfailingly polite and respond adorably to politeness. Very caring, loving people. PS: In my personal life, every Latino has been a pleasure to know.
Right Wing American Twitter: Uniformly shit spellers. Some of the most ignorant, small, parochial n paranoid ppl i ever, met. Period. Pure garbage.
Left Wing American Political Twitter: Made America fascinating to me. I follow lots. Love their common sense, articulate intelligence. Caring, polite, kind. Before i started following the American educated Left, I had a very low opinion of Americans. After meeting and chatting to many educated left (in American society, that's a tautology) i've revised my opinion terrifically upwards. They're awesome, dude. Awesome.
PS: I've come to the conclusion that there are two (prob more) parallel worlds in America, one inhabited by the fuckery of half witted paranoid white right wingers, and the other inhabited by the educated sane, everybody else. A very rough guide, but somehow, it works. PS: with the exception of some areas of foreign policy and a few questionables in the domestic arena, Obama is like god.
Direct Message: i learned the very hard way that Direct Message is not Private Message, merely a message sent directly to you or from you. Éspecially if someone comes asking you lots of personal questions, either a) block 'em b) report 'em to @twittersupport or c) ignore 'em. seriously. (mostly only furries, adults have NEVER acted this way on twitter to me, except for some impertinent and sleazy British gays). i used to be too polite and unusre of myself to deal with trolls and stalkers properly, and I got stung badly. Mind you, this only happened with furries, and they are, as I'll show you, the most vile of vile cunts.
General Notes: a)Avoid twitter "communities", they get boring and mostly only attract low life losers looking for a life. With the exception of very purposful, informed, politically aware groups, most turn inward upon themselves at some stage, and, esp the furries (like true animals, love to cannibalise each other...), seem to attract a peculiar and childish kind of mentality.
b) if anyone comes on dm asking lots of personal questions, run a fucking mile
c) if anyone acts like they really like you or admire you - run a fucking mile. I found, within one group especially, these types were pure nasty.
Which group was that?
i saved the worst til last.
Furries (also euphemistically called "anipals"). A cross between Planet of the Apes and Steven King's Pet Cemetary. Did your dog die? No problem, pack him off to "Rainbow Bridge" with some "Heavanly Bacon" and you can bring him backto life by pretending to be him. And other ppl pretending to be cats/dogs/ vermin will act as tho, that's the most natural thing in the world and talk to to you as tho you really are dead fluffy (fido) ie: you can pretend to be your dead dog come back to life, you see? it makes perfect sense... if you belong in an asylum for the incurably insane...
On a (slightly) more sinister note, certain members of this retarded group collect for bogus charities, and pocket the money themselves. Don't give 'em anything. One particularly nasty old thing admitted to me she took a nice holiday on the proceeds of money collected for her dead dog's vet treatment. She'd also just recently gotten a few hundreds of dollars on an artical about her eccentricities with her dead dog in a low brow moron's periodical. Nice work if you can get it, sister...
Still, if in spite this, you are not to be deterred, there are a few kinky compensations. The time i talked to these nutters, i was regularly hit up with offers of cyber sex on dm. One shrill little dachshund became extremely nasty when i very politely refused. I never told anyone about her, (cuz I'm a nice guy) but hell hath no fury like a dachshund scorned, apparently, she bitched to all n sundry about me. There were lots of her kind.
My advice is: these ppl are dysfunctional, mad, bad, n sad. I suspect lots of wasteland suburban white middle aged women whom time has passed by rather unkindly, populate the ranks of distubed ppl pretending to be animals.
A handful are kind, intelligent, and well educated ppl, the rest are, simply ppl of the twitter abyss.
PS: the Golden Rule referred to above, altho it's as sensible as the day is long, there are whiney little losers who will bitch about being blocked. One told me, i "was no longer a friend as I'd unfriended her from fb." that's the mentality you're dealing with. Or even more breathtaking: there are the retards who bitch at you and about you on the timeline, yet whine and screech cuz you unfollowed or blocked them. like, bitch, please, if you could just make fucking sense you asstard jackwagon....
This concludes my twitter 101 presentation. Hope you loved it. ;)