|^ if i just coulda learnt to love my oppressoor, i coulda been|
such a nice well adjusted boy.
Did you know, that if you keep a dog all alone, with no stimulation, no companionship, nothing; in time, changes will take place in that dog's brain. I don't mean changes of mood or "feeling" or behaviour, I mean actual changes in his brain hardware. You understand? He becomes physically a different dog. He can never change back. That's what happens to minds that sustainedly and repeatedly experience trauma, fear and physical pain.
Experiments on rats show that if repeatedly exposed to a particular extreme of stress, they will just give up. They won't even try to save themselves. That's it, "plop", they won't try to resist what they fear or will cause them great physical pain.
It's hard to see people empathetically, or feel a common cause with them when you have seen how people behave once they have total power over you, body and mind. Years of that, you become someone else. Your self identity becomes vague, you become vague about your existance. Life is too shaky and certainty about anything becomes impossible.
Do you know Thomas the Tank Engine? I used to call the old man The Fat Controller, or The Fat Cunt for short.
So I'm listening to Titus Andronicus, full of piss and vinegar, and vodka. I'm restless and edgy as hell. It's definitely a VV day, vodka and valium, the v dub of self medications.
Cheers and love, may you learn to ignore the little shit bits, cuz you have no idea how the other half live.
This post has been heavily edited. That's why it seems to make no sense.