Until you hang upon such a cross, you won't know a thing about laughter or loss...and you don't believe me now, but you will...you will, you wil you will you will...you will, you will - Titus Andronicus

Hey All, Best Read This First:

reetings and a warm welcome to my blog.

First things first

This blog contains words and references offensive to those who never made it through the maturation process.

The intellectually and psychologically impaired will find nothing here to enjoy.

If this applies to you, dear reader, you're welcome, and strongly encouraged to leave now. No hard feelings on my part.

I'm trying to make this clear to the 'boo hoo brigade". If you CANNOT grasp this simple concept. This page is NOT FOR YOU


*PS: I'm pro Palestinian, pro animal rights in a way that pisses many people off. You should consider fucking off now if you object to this kind of thing.

Cheers Kiddies.


PS This blog is not really fit for human consumption, it's best read as it was written, drunk on vodka or otherwise high as a kite...Enjoy...


Last Call for Drinks

Hello, I am as well as can be and I'm sincerely wishing the same for all of you. This is my last post on this blog, it no longer serves me any purpose to keep it. I'm instead going to concentrate on my other blog which is attached to my other account. I'm not certain if I'm going to keep it completely private like a diary. (there are things I want to write about that I simply wouldn't tell anyone, only my therapist, and only to him when I'm completely trashed on drugs. That's no exaggeration boys 'n girls) Or (to return from this digression) I may start another one as a private diary and keep the people one as a public one. I'm not certain. As you would all know by now, takes me ages to make my mind up about things. But I'm certain of one thing, this blog is ended.

I want to thank all the people who've taken the time to make comments on my drivelling snivelling shit, that was very forbearing and kind of you.

I'm still going through the (long) process of copying and saving all posts I wish to keep, once that dull and irritating job is finished, I'm going to delete this blog.

I certainly got a lot out of this blog, but things have changed quite drastically in my life, many for better, some, unfortunately (health related) for worse, there's no longer anything I can post for public or shall we say for "Anipal" consumption that is going to be of any entertainment 'bread 'n circus' value. So it's better to just leave it here.

I'm really proud of this blog, but I suspect in general terms, it was pitched to the 'wrong' crowd. You get me? There were many who got much out of it, but irritatingly for me, the majority couldn't understand what the fuck I was saying half the time. It's not their fault, it's just that East is East and West is West, and ne'er the twain Shall Meet.

I think though, that if you were honest with yourselves, you got something out of me and this blog too, whether you liked it or me or not. Even if only the introduction to new words, and certainly an insight into a way of looking at things from an objective, not subjective viewpoint.

There's a lot of very very sweet and worthwhile things that made me extremely happy at times on "Anipal" twitter, but unfortunately, there's a lot of vomit inducing ego neediness, hypocrisy, one upmanship and sniping too. I'm so glad to be gone from it.

If anyone feels a burning need to stay in touch with me, send me a DM to SirFudgeEsq account and I can give you my new tag, I really don't mind who wants it. But you would do well to remember this: While I don't go out of my way to be crude, I don't watch a fucking thing I say; like or lump it. Your sensibilities, your children, aren't my responsibility. I don't give a fuck about them. Who you follow, what you read, is your responsibility not mine. Some people desperately need to grow up and understand this.

NB. If you're going to RT all that nipclub/party/rainbow bridge/purrs for pointlessness/ sky pram loony tunes shit, I won't follow back. I don't want to know about that garbage, maybe when I'm middle aged and have Alzheimer's or something I'll see some merit in it, but for now it's just nuthouse nonsense.

You can just send me a blank DM if you want the tag of my other acct. If for some reason we got disconnected but we got on fine and you can't DM me, you can always email me at SirFudgeEsq@Gmail.com

Cheers, and fare thee well, thanks again for the follows and comments on this blog, even some of the nasty ones, some of which the stupidity and naivety made me cringe, some of which made me MOL!!! (!) and some of it which plain scared me, in the sense of "what kind of people are these fucking nasty nutcases"

While I'm here, there's two more things I want to say. I received a message a little while ago on face book thanking me for a favour I did, but in this same message, the person called me "acerbic". I told them I accepted that was their opinion and I wasn't going to argue the point. I asked instead, "I often wonder if people think about how they appear to me?" I received no reply to this not unreasonable question. That's what "Anipal" twitter has been like for me much of the time. I've been the object of scrutiny and critique, but you can bet your arse that scrutiny has never been applied to where it desperately needed to be applied to: the journey inward.

The journey inward is always the hardest and the cruelest to make. That's why it's easier and more smugly self reassuring to criticize 'The Other'.

The other thing was about 'freedom' I'm pretty tired now so I'll ad it as an addendum later. Ok, so this is another sort of penultimate post.

I'll instead leave you with a line from a song of one of my favourite ever bands:  "are you just too fucked up to understand me, or is it the other way around, maybe it's both and I just don't know which is what? It's alright the way that you live, it's alright" Titus Andronicus: To Old Friends and New

All the Best.




My penultimate Post

Hello, I really should be asleep, I hope wherever you are, whatever you're doing, life is nice for you. It's not bad for me right now.

I've wanted to post about this subject for a long long time, what's kept me from doing it is that I realise that people have vastly different ideas on the subject and I didn't wish to appear critical of them. So try to understand, this is simply my opinion. I'm no one. I'm just one wanker among many many wankers. Who gives a flying fuck what I think? I've recently had an email from someone apologizing (for fuck's sake) for not agreeing with me, and I've had others who've said things like: "I feel bad because I use MOL or other things you don't think are that great" (that's a paraphrase but you get the idea, one hopes, it's not rocket science) Look, I'm not the King of fucking Lichtenstein, as I said here earlier, who GIVES A FUCK what I think? Why? The whole point of this blog is that it's a load of shit, drivel, I've never ever denied that.

Every time someone asks me for my blog link I always tell them: "Don't bother reading it, it's a load of crap" I just use it as a writing exercise. And yet, there's still some who get very upset, What the Fuck? I remember telling one particular weak minded twat "look, don't read it if it upsets you" fuck, it's for these kind of people that warnings like "contents are hot" on take away coffee cups exist. No, really? Are these niggahs on fucking crack? What the fuck is that?

Anyway, hopefully I've established that argument with some kind of force... can we agree now that my opinion is about as important as whether one's shit is sloppy or hard? I'm now going to move on to the reason for my post.

A reminder for the feeble minded, I'm going to repeat: this is Just My Fucking Opinion. Not a Criticism of Anyone Who Acts Otherwise.

Ok: I believe that cats 'n dogs (and other animals we share our homes with) should be encouraged to live their lives as close to the way they would in nature as possible. I believe that this makes for a psychologically and physically healthier animal. 

Cats need to feel the dirt and grass under their paws and the sun on their backs. Cats (and this goes for all predatory obligate carnivores) are the most truly alive when they are hunting, feeling and smelling the warmth of the blood of prey between their claws. It's what their claws, instincts and bodies were made for. Thousands upon thousands of years have gone into the design of these immaculate killing machines. In nature, the culling process keeps the numbers of prey and predator at a sustainable level. By domesticating cats, they produce more kittens that will survive (all of them happily one hopes) and this is of course an interference with the natural cycle of life and death animals would experience left to their own devices and own environments.

Nature is an entity that expresses extremes of beauty (always subjective anyhow) and "cruelty" (also subjective). Not for nothing was the phrase "nature, bloody in tooth and claw" coined by someone or other, I can find out the author for you, or you can probably just google it.

It was only from the late 18th century onwards that Romantic poets, writers and visual artists began to wax lyrical about 'pastoral beauty' and the heavenly bliss of nature. Before things like "enclosure laws" and urbanization (I'm trying not to get too academic and dull here), most people understood very clearly what nature was actually like, they lived by the seasons, understood their animals (within their own worldviews which were vastly different in many ways to ours, God I'm trying really hard not to digress into historical by ways and alleys) in ways which were perhaps more realistic than our own.

This closeness to nature had it's advantages, people (I'm talking about the pre 18th century Western world, although it wouldn't be much different I wouldn't imagine to some Eastern societies) shared their homes with pigs, chickens, dogs, cats all wondering in and out as they pleased. There was barely any sewerage system, who do you think ate the shit and kept and the places clean and livable? Your pet / future dinner porky pig and scavenging pups took care of that, while cats kept animals considered "vermin" within reasonable limits.

By the way, in the midst of all this with no privacy (most homes were very very simple indeedm mostly 2 room affairs) where did people fuck you might wonder? Well, as one academic suggested, they copulated out doors to get some privacy. You should know that in Europe, nudity is no big deal. It's probably a cultural and genetic memory of centuries long of fucking out doors. In the West, it's only in the English speaking nations that nudity is so highly stigmatized and sexualised. Frankly, I'm happier for people to wear clothes especially now that obesity is epidemic, but really when you think about it, we're the only animal out of all animals that runs around with fig leaves....makes us look kind of weird when you think about it.

I understand that there are those with very very good reason to keep their cats confined, in America for example, there's coyotes and other things. I am aware that there are for some, solid reasons to keep their cats indoors. My suggestion would be, rig up some kind of outdoor room. I did this in my last home it was inexpensive and looked great.Again, I truly understand that this is not possible for everyone. I'm not trying to suggest if you don't do this, you're a bad keeper of animals.

Feeding: again, try to keep it as natural as possible. Our basenji, who has been fed raw bones and high quality food from since he was an 8 week old pup, has at 11 years of age, teeth like little pearls. Our greyhound, who is an ex racer, is two years younger than Sam and from the very first day she came to us, her teeth were disgusting. Believe me, try to feed your fellow animals the freshest, rawest, most natural stuff you can find. There are two books called "The Heart of the Matter" and "Smarter than You Think" by Paul Loeb and Suzanne Hlavacek,  these are the best books about the care of dogs (and cats) I've ever read. And before I got my basenji, I read every fucking thing ever written about dogs, I have shelves full of "How to Bring up Pup Right" most of it garbage. These were pure common sense, I wish everyone with cats and dogs (or any other animal really) has a chance to read them, you can get them on Amazon.

NB: there is another book called "Dogs Never Lie About Love" the title is a little mooshy but it's an empathetic study of dogs and well worth reading. My copy is falling apart. There are some parts (only very few) I think are rubbish, but on the whole, it's worth reading. Also an old classic about dogs is by the Austrian Konrad Lorenz, "King Solomon's Ring", it's widely available in English and a brilliant read.

Back to Indoor kept Cats: Again, I understand that this is not possible for everyone and that by keeping your cats indoors, you are doing the very best thing for them, I respect that kind of care completely. I'm simply expressing my belief that cats are happiest when allowed to live as cats. This seems to be more vital to some cat breeds than others, I concede that point entirely.

This brings me to the other subject I've been meaning to post about and as this is my penultimate post, the time to do it is now.

What are Oriental Cats like? They're the best. We've lived with cats of all kinds, persian, birmans, moggies, all kinds. Our stand out favourites are Orientals. Unfortunately, they're one of the most misunderstood cat breeds. So in brief point form, let me correct the stupidest misconceptions about these cats:

1. Oriental Cats are "spiteful" I couldn't believe this heap of shit when I'd heard it. Orientals, (including Siamese) really really want to be with you. They are best described as cats with strong wills and extremely high intelligence, also, they seem to retain a lot of their ancestral wild behaviour. Many people don't seem to want their animals to show any independence, preferring instead to turn them into cuddlesome "touch me bears" perhaps that's why statistically "fluffy cats" are favoured.

2. Orientals aren't affectionate Oh God, would that were true! Trust me on this, where you are is where your siamese/oriental wants to be. It's like they're made of Velcro and ours at any rate, will bash each other with their paws to claim the spot next to our person, who unfortunately for her, has ended up on the floor in the middle of the night due to cats colonising every inch as close to her as possible, she makes a bit of room to get comfortable, and eventually runs out of bed and "plop" winds up on the floor. It happens often.

3.Orientals are neurotic no, no, no, these are cats that simply do things to the nth degree, they do NOTHING by halves, when they're hungry, they eat like swine, when they want your company, there's no getting away from them, when they hate a dog they act like they're taking on the whole world and taking No Prisoners. However, one thing is true, like most highly intelligent people, they are very sensitive, they are very aware of their surrounding and atmosphere. This means that they suffer badly in shelters and chaotic homes. Don't get one of these cats unless you can provide a quiet, stable home. Our latest addition, The Anti Fudge nearly died in the shelter, he simply stopped eating and began to froth at the mouth, he was put on a drip to keep him alive and x rayed in case he was harbouring some kind of obstruction preventing the ingestion of food. There was none, it was purely psychological. He simply couldn't cope. He's fine now, he eats like a swine and has morphed from skin and bones to a magnificent, muscly, sturdy (within his English Havana body type) specimen I wouldn't want to fuck with. Just for the record, I'm much 'softer' in temperament then him. He likes to bash everyone.

Orientals look mean They are the most beautiful cats of all. Their upward slanting eyes and lean muscular bodies are amazing. Did you know that orientals have often been described as the "iron fist in the velvet glove"? That is how their bodies feel. Their fur is unbelievably soft and their bodies without an ounce of fat, when they do get fat, it tends to go only to their undercarriage.
True "pure siamese" (our brother and sister siams are pure siamese) are not skinny at all, they are in fact very heavy bodied. Our siamese male is a huge mother fucker of a cat. The ultra skinny siams you see are not true siams, they are 'colour point orientals', that is, they are the offspring of oriental parents who have some siamese in their back ground. It's hard to get "pure siamese" but I believe there is a growing disgust with producing cats so thin that they have trouble giving birth that there is a revival of the pure siam breed. What's the point of an ultra thin cat anyway? (It's my belief that people who say oriental cats look 'mean' are expressing latent racism)

Havanas are Oriental, but Havanas can only be brown: Well this is the final thing I want to say. I'm the only Havana cat on twitter for now, so you may as well take the chance to learn something about us while I'm still here:

1. We are very rare cats. This is because brown in orientals is the hardest colour to breed for.
2. We come in two distinct body types: the American Havana which is much denser bodied, more like an average cat and the English type Havana (the original) which is much more Oriental in body type. We English Havanas are not however, "slight" cats, within our build we are very strong and muscly. But generally, in other ways, we conform to the oriental template: huge ears, long legs, slanted eyes, and long noses. Our tails aren't thin though, there still is quite a difference between us and other orientals, that's why we have our own name "Havanas" rather than just brown orientals.

We are, I'm sorry to brag, the most beautiful of all cats. Until you've seen an English type Havana, you can't even imagine how stunning we are. Our emerald green eyes, chocolate ganache fur, incredibly handsome faces and freakish intelligence make us the Gods of All Cats.

All I can say is, I'm glad I'm me, and not you ;)

Cheers and Love (I'm certain it's requited)

from your ever lovin' Mother Fucker.



Pissing the Night Away... Pissing the Night Away...

Hey you know something, after I hit a low low ( the last post says it all) I felt heaps better. It's cathartic to get shit like that out of your system. I think I may be back in business. Bet you're overjoyed to hear it.

Cheers x


PS: on very personal posts, I tend to disable comments, the reason being, I feel kind of self indulgent, like "Please someone, say something nice" I'm not like that, I really just post those things to get them out of my system and it works a treat. I know y'all love me...Right?


Nothing to say and no way of saying it

Hello, I hope you are all well, I am, but I'm also quite tired.

In the last month, I've experienced the death of two family members, a big move, withdrawal from heroin, and now it's finally making me crash. I'm just tired. I need to sleep for maybe 10,000 years and I'll be fine again. See you later or not, as the case may be. I'm too tired to make sense.

. I finally have my account about right. I did what I should have done a long time ago: had one for people of all kinds and one for people tweeting behind animal avatars. Unfortunately, I lost a few animal avatar people in the shuffle, please understand it wasn't a trimming of you so much as housekeeping and moving people around that made me lose you in the ether of cyberspace. I'm so sorry that this happened to anyone nice, the rest ah well, sometimes even I experience the thrill of a happy coincidence.

I'm also going to move over more 'serious' posts from this blog to my 'people' account blog and blog animal stuff here. Thanks to everyone who's been patient with me.

On the whole though, I'm pretty much gone from my Sir Fudge Esq account, although I do like to check in and reply to tweets sent to me. After I've had my centuries long sleep, I'll probably concentrate more on my people blog, which won't be so different to this one, but probably a bit "freer" and definitely broader in subject matter as it's potential audience is broader in it's interests. 

Animal twitter used to be a lot of fun when it was just people logging on and chatting about all kinds of things, now with newspapers, anipal awards (WTF?) death cults, morticians,  it's beginning to resemble an insane asylum.

With all respect, @FrugalDougal was the only one who could really run a pawparty with any sense of dignity, style, fun and purpose. The rest is just pathetic creepy looney tunes.

I still have emails to answer I'll get around to them as soon as I've slept. I'm in that horrible limbo state between being so tired and feeling too wired to sleep or say anything sensible.

Take care, Have yourself a good time, it's nothing at all....nothing at all.... (Radiohead)



In Your Heart of Hearts....

So called "Ghetto Wedding"

WASP Wedding

While I was mooching around on my "people account" I happened to take an interest in the trending topic #ataghettowedding. Many put their two pence in, and I'm ashamed to say, so did I. I regretted it almost immediately. Stereotyping, stigmatizing, and ridiculing people because of (presumptions) about of their disadvantaged social background has to the be the basest, most disgusting humour conceivably possible.

American ghetto culture fascinates me, both in terms of it as a "subculture" and it's evolution as a socio political grouping of people. But the purpose of this post wasn't to bore you with my vulgar curiosity or parade my ignorance before you.

During my pursuance of this trending topic, I came across the first picture in this post. Several tweeps posted it in their twitpics: it was meant to objectify the people in the photo as low class ghetto trash for the amusement of other tweeps.

My first reaction was, I felt immediately attracted to the wedding depicted, everything about it: it's simplicity, it's humour, it's humanness, warmth and lack of pretension. It made a deep impression. It was a photo that made me wish I could know the people depicted.  I felt doubly ashamed about the deadshit, crass and stupid tweet I posted for this trending topic.

I have my own prejudices, they are as stupid, unattractive and destructive as any other. Well, this is what my prejudices look like: The couple in the 2nd WASP wedding  photo (WASP is an acronym for White Anglo Saxon Protestant, it's generally, but not always, used in a pejorative sense) make me want to run a mile. There's something self consciously stagey and boorish about them that subverts the"elegance" intended. the couple in the first photo seem natural, at ease and sincere. Compared to them, let's be honest, the WASPS look like well, vacuous wankers. They're the kind of people I cross the street to avoid. Their "hale fellow well met" (and well fed) appearance revolts me; it affirms and suggests a kind of life style I find empty and nauseating.

You know why Kurt Cobain is my hero? (Apart from the fact he could shoot himself up in both arms, I never could get the hang of that) because he once told a friend that he was embarrassed to be in a limousine. He was clear sighted and courageous enough (sadly, but the good ones always are) to see that life is, in the main, empty and without meaning. It takes courage, self knowledge and humility to come to this realization. He was never fooled by bullshit, vainglory or materialism. He was never trapped inside the empty "Sparklicious" bubble of nothing.

If I ever make it to America, I'm going to the bridge in Seattle he used sometimes to live and sleep under, it's only symbolic, it's not a shrine, it's nothing but a place. But it's the only way I can say "thank you" to a man who made the world less farcical to me.

The tragedy of Kurt Cobain is that he so acutely felt the dissonance and tension of external, meaningless, material trappings with meaningful, emotional reality, that he was unable to reconcile them into some kind of world view he could live with. As far as I'm concerned, he failed at nothing, they are irreconcilable. His heroism lies in the fact he knew this. He refused the Faustian pact, he refused to compromise. 

Would there were more like him.

Life is not just a McHappyLand for us to walk through like infantalized Zombies. It's exhausting to be sensitively responsive to life, it can burn a person out, but it's better to live this way than to have no greater awareness t than an amoeba. It's more honourable to die young and to live on your own terms than to be sucked into the race for longevity filled with "stuff". 

Anyway, to return to the beginning: I'd rather be a guest at a ghetto wedding any day, than kiss WASP ass and loathe myself ever after.


May We Always Have the Freedom and Courage to Choose To Live Meaningful Lives

Love to All



· Boring as Batshit

The thing that's happened to animal twitter is that it's become as boring as batshit. Too many dull people trying to get  attention for themselves with bloody "nipclubs" "newspapers" "pawcircles" and one lame arsed harebrained party after another, they spam up the fucking page and make the main timeline a nauseating trip into "look at me everybody!" land. What this all means is, witty convesations are becoming a rarity. Dickhead "anipal awards" mean fuck all. It's just become so fucking stupid, I tried to get rid of everyone who retweets boring shit like that off my account It used to be fun, when paw parties actually caused excitement, now with fuckwit parties every 5 seconds, it's just shit.

I remember when it was actually fun, when attention seeking boring shit got ignored, now it's just turned into shitsville.
PS: I'm not the only one who thinks like this, people on facebook are saying the same the same thing: Animal twitter has gotten dull.


Here it comes again....

Hello, I hope this post finds you in good physical and psychological nick. If you can't have both, then I hope you at least have one. If, to your great misfortune you find you have neither, don't worry too much about it. It's all a matter of degree anyway. As sane or as barking mad as you may be, there's always someone saner or more of a sick twist than you are. The same goes for physical health. So don't let the absence of a sound mind or body worry you unduly. There's always someone worse off. If schadenfreude is your only comfort in life, make the most of it, others are doing the same to you, I guarantee it.

Upon re reading the above paragraph, my first reaction is: My God I'm a misanthropic bastard. Not to worry, we can't all be made of sugar and spice, for if we were, who then would do the thinking? Bits of cake never solved any of the world's problems, in spite of Marie Antoinette's naive optimism. And look what happened to her anyway? So look, just be grateful for dour pricks like me and we can leave the matter there. I don't wish to pursue this ridiculous nonsense any further, it's making me look like an idiot.

Well, the time has come to say goodbye (again...) to an old friend. I have to lock myself in my bathroom with blankets, rosary beads, Valium, ipod, water, pills and phone. My dear cousin (who unfortunately for him has no experience in these matters) is coming over to take care of things while I attempt (again) to get clean.

I actually have no contacts in this part of the world, so I have no choice but see the thing out. You know the most fascinating thing about it is, the extraordinary amount of vomitus the body can produce.It amazed me last time, and kind of disgusted me. Ah well, if you can't do the time don't the etc etc...

Once this is over, I'm never touching it again. No matter how bored and pissed off I get, I'll find a gentler hobby, like beating up old ladies. Or something respectable I can brag about at dinner parties: like cheating on taxes or something else of that nature which bourgeois twats find ever so clever and grand. Groan, that's the world waiting for me once I stop shooting up. Gee I can't wait.

I'm sorry to whine. I got myself into this mess, I have no one to blame but myself. Wish me luck. See you after.



I'm Here, and now I'm Gone

Well, I arrived. Yay. And the trip? To put the kindest complexion on it: I don't travel well. I'm conservative by nature, once I've settled, I like to stay settled. Change, uncertainty, transience, it all terrifies me. I don't even like to be in places where transience is a part of their function, such as hospitals, airports, train stations and the like. They all depress me horribly. I'm acutely oversensitive to mood and atmosphere and it exhausts me. Even seeing a person with travelling bags makes me feel sad and anxious for their welfare. I'm just a hypersensitive nutjob, I'm quite aware of this, so don't feel guilty if that's what you're thinking.

Our new digs are old, it's an old, old remote and rambling country house. my ancestors have been born here and they've died here, and I'm pleased to be where I belong: a part of the emotional and genetic ancestral chain.

Well, so I'm here, the next thing to do is to bathroom rehab. What a fucking nightmare that's going to be. It has to be done though, I have lives that depend on me so I have to get on with things. This time, after I withdraw, if I find that I can't stop the cravings, I'm going to have to take meth whether I like it or not. Doesn't work for everyone though. Fucking fucks me off more than I can say. If I didn't have others to care for, I'd just shoot up day and night. Someone sent me an email once calling me "junky shit", it made me laugh, only someone who doesn't know what it's like would say a thing like that.

Well, I guess I'm left with the last thing I wanted to say, and it's this: Goodbye. I knew I wouldn't be back to Anipal Land after I moved. There's lots of reasons for this, none of them nasty, I just need and want to move on. I'll still be on face book because I quite like wondering around saying hi without getting into conversations I'm too tired for.

I have another account I just use for people and I'll be there more. Anipalia is too much of a "community" for me. I don't want to be a part of anything. It's just in my nature to be like that. I said here once before, I don't have a sense of "kiddie fun" and I just don't belong. To put it brutally: I'm too cerebral and too "no nonsense" to be of any use to anyone here. So I'll just stick to my other account and keep this blog cos I like it, but I'll probably start another one anyway just for political, social and musical stuff.

The last time I left, I wanted to stay gone, it was only because of a particular friend who got pretty bullish about me staying that I stayed. I really didn't want to come back, neither would many of you if you had your private details spread about on cyber space via dm, timeline and blogs for all to see. The location details posted about me were actually those of my relatives, I felt like guilty shit because my relatives became involved in this horrible mess. Can you understand what that felt like?  Their location information for all to see, strangers, freakhows, anyone at all..

I think the lie that I "laughed at dead and dying animals" hurt me the most. I no longer trust anyone in cyber space because of what happened. Finally, the nasty insinuation by a particularly mean little miss that my illness was a fabrication, for reasons I can't really put into rational words, shocked me to the core, and scared me. Believe me, I didn't want to come back.

To the very small minority I dislike intensely, and who have spread lies and malicious gossip about me, I have this to say: you're dumb, dull, boring, and stupid with it. You make me cringe in embarrassment with your childish attention seeking antics and lies. You're an embarrassment to every sane person here.

To the vast majority I like more than I really know how to put into words: I love you all very much.You're truly good natured, sweet and have been very tolerant of me. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for your friendship.

Take care.